A New Element Has Been Found
- November 28, 2005
- 1 comment
I received this from a friend in an email and thought I’d share it. Good for a laugh to start your work week.
The recent hurricane and gasoline issues have helped prove the existence of a new element. In early October 2005 a major research institution announced the discovery of the heaviest element yet known to science. The new element has been named “Governmentium” (Gv). This new element has one neutron, 25 assistant neutrons, 88 deputy neutrons, and 198 assistant deputy neutrons, giving it an atomic mass of 312.
These 312 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called peons. Since Gv has no electrons, it is inert. However, it can be detected, because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact. A minute amount of Gv causes one reaction to take over four days to complete, when it would normally take less than a second.
Gv has a normal half-life of 4 years; it does not decay, but instead undergoes a reorganization in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. In fact, Governmentium’s mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganization will cause more morons to become neutrons, forming isodopes.
This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Gv is formed whenever morons reach a certain quantity in concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as Critical Morass. When catalyzed with money, Gv becomes Administratium (Am), an element which radiates just as much energy as Gv since it has half as many peons but twice as many morons.
I really laughed my ass off reading this one. I was expecting to read an article about a new element, but was more than pleasently surprised.