I Need To Get Out Of Here
- February 22, 2005
- 11 comments
I need to get out of this place. I MUST get out of this place. There is absolutely nothing for me here. No friends. No work. Nothing.
It seems like I’m being reminded a lot lately just how crappy my life is. I’m 30 years old, single. Still living with my parents, even though I successfully spent 8 years abroad before moving back here. Every time I think I’m going to save enough to move, work slows down to a trickle, at best, and all that money goes down the tubes.
The last few months of last year were excellent work-wise. I was making a decent amount of money and had plenty of work in the pipeline. I was making good progress in saving up enough to move to Texarkana and try to get more work there. January and February, on the other hand, have been two of the worst months yet since I’ve moved back. All of that money I saved is almost gone now. And there’s hardly any work in the pipeline.
It dawned on me the other night that I haven’t been on a date in nine freaking years. NINE. FREAKING. YEARS. It doesn’t help that I’m painfully shy around women I don’t know. It also doesn’t help that in the three times in the those nine years that I’ve worked up enough nerve to ask someone out, I was turned down. That’s a real confidence builder right there. And the one time someone WAS interested in me, I didn’t know it. She ended up marrying someone else who worked with me. Apparently everyone else knew she was into me, but I didn’t see it. What the hell is wrong with me?
I just got back from Austin for my cousin’s wedding. She looked beautiful and her husband is a great guy. I am happy for them both, but just like after my good friend’s wedding in November, I was very depressed afterwards. I met some of my old friends who I used to hang out with when I lived in Austin. They’re all married and most of them have kids now. Even people who were eight years younger than me and used to hang out with my little sister are either married or engaged now. They’ve all got great jobs and seem to be happy.
It also doesn’t help that I get reminded of my singleness every freaking time I get around my extended family. You can bet money on it, someone will bring it up at least a couple times during the visit. And most of the time it’s a joke to them. Everyone has a good laugh. I just smile on the outside and try to ignore it.
Even bowling, the one thing that broke the monotony that is my life, is sucking now. At the beginning of the season, I was bowling great. I had a 214 average and enjoyed hanging around other people. The last two months seemed to mirror the way work dried up, because I can’t seem to maintain average at all. It’s now down to a 204 and I can’t figure out for the life of me what I’m doing wrong. Perhaps my depression over everything else is affecting it?
Yep. I need to get out of here or I’m going to go crazy.
Yeah, that would’ve been fun to get together and throw back a couple. I didn’t spend much time in Austin though. I arrived Friday evening and left Sunday morning. Both Friday night and Saturday afternoon and night were busy, so I only had a couple hours to kill on Saturday morning.
I haven’t met any of the pMachine crowd in person. I’ve talked with Leslie over the phone, and have seen pics of Rick in Business 2.0. It would be cool to have some big pMachine/EE usergroup meeting.
Russ
February 23, 2005
Sorry to hear that Chris. I haven’t seen you in over 14 years, so I don’t really remember much about you, but you always struck me as a real outgoing friendly guy. Especially, with all those years of globe-trotting around the world, I figured you to be the type to be comfortable around anyone in nearly any situation.
Hope things improve for you real soon!
David
February 27, 2005
Dude, I totally agree, you do have to get outta there. Sometimes you just have to do what is uncomfortable and take on a little risk, otherwise you can be in the same rut forever. I really thought that you should have gotten that apartment with your friend in Texarkana when you had the chance. You’ve got to hook up with other people your age if you’re going to meet anybody.
You should do it soon too because most decent single chicks are gonna be younger than you and the older you get, the harder it is to relate to the younger crowd. And also, the older you get the harder it is to start a relationship because it is less like hanging out having fun, and more like a job interview whenever you go on a date.
I can introduce you to some girls that I know, if you ever want to come down to San Antonio for a weekend. I’m not saying I could hook you up but at least if you cast out your line, you may possibly be able to reel something in 
You have to at least go someplace where there is water because it seems pretty dry up there where you are right now..
Anyways anytime you are bummed out you can always call me, even in the middle of the night.. I am always here if you need an ear. I hope things will go your way, and I would help out any way if I possibly could.
Actually on that note I am going to call you right now because I would like to go into more detail on this than what you might want me to post on your web site
Talk to you in a few.
Dave
MeaghanB
March 3, 2005
Hi Meaghan, sorry for the AMAZINGLY late response. I do remember you from the Plaza. How is the Plaza doing, BTW? I haven’t been on there in several months.
I have never been to Little Rock. A friend of mine and I are thinking of heading up there sometime, but it’s certainly not set in stone right now.
Meaghan
Hey, I hear you there, Chris. I’m not quite 30 yet, but I’m in much the same situation otherwise.
Wish I’d known you were coming down to Austin, though… could have invited you out for a few beers or something. Heaven knows I need to get out of the house more often, too.